sereneinthecity

191.5…

On day 12. Not exactly sure how much progress that is since my scale at home was broken when I originally weighed myself – but this IS progress.

When I went to bed last night I realized my shoulders don’t hurt as much anymore. I know this is bc I’m working out and eating less. My boobs are SLOWLY getting smaller. I will never be a C cup, but I know I can get the girls down to a manageable size to where they don’t cause discomfort. I don’t know of its bc I’m getting older (bc ive certainly been heavier in my life) but the excess weight in my chest really started to wreak havoc on my shoulders. It was painful at one point to even lift or extend my arms TWO WEEKS ago. It was especially painful laying down – putting any weight on my shoulders as I laid down was super painful. Must remember this when I want to sit down on my couch and eat a big old bowl of ice cream and watch Judge Judy.

Feeling it

The impending slip up that is. I ate shredded wheat/bannana/raisins for breakfast. Then went to gym (treadmill, elliptical, still feel so heavy, boo). Then ran a bunch of errands – ate some pistachos and the yogurt that I packed.

Came home and cooked the rest of my chicken strips, peeled some sweet potatoes and baked em, and steamed some broccoli and cauliflower. The problem is the alchohol. I am going out tonight and I want wine. I figure since I basically skipped lunch – I can afford to drink wine tonight. But I know that its not healthy to skip meals, will lead to a slippery slope of going off my food plan and lower my inhibitions around food. But honestly – I don’t wanna give up everything!!!!! Sugar is my issue, not alcohol! Do I have to give them both up at the same time?? When I was on Jenny Craig they advised that I cut down on alcohol, but that if I did want some that I cut out fruits or snacks so that I could afford to have the calories in the alcohol. Sigh…

Well, I had a pretty substantial dinner w/the chicken, potatoes and veggies. I’m going to pack a plum (they were giving away fruit at the gym today!) and the rest of my pistachios to eat later tonight as a snack. That’s my plan. But I feel this lack of structure isn’t good for me. I feel vulnerable 😦 😦 😦

Reminders…

Of my last binge bc its so easy for me to forget. I sat around in my pjs all weekend, eating and laying down on the couch. The only exercise to be had was when I decided to move my nap into the bedroom.

I stuffed myself til I was sick. And felt worse about myself, my relationships, my career, etc. IT ONLY ADDS PROBLEMS TO MY LIFE. Must remember this.

Well…

It’s summer. (B/c in my city there are no longer mild seasons. Just summer and winter). I am mortified. Last April I was 30lbs lighter. I don’t even want to see my summer dresses (and dresses were basically all I wore last summer outside of work) for fear I will burst into tears. Instead I am relegated to large, shapeless clothing and walking around w my arms crossed in order to hide my gut and chest (when I know that by doing so I’m actually accentuating these areas.

Well, I’m not going to just roll over and accept of fate of unhappiness in my own skin. I’m fighting back!!!! *roar*

Food: soy chicken, veggies, almonds, raisins, apple. Chicken w/pita bread, hummus, veggies

Exercise: Walked 40 blocks. Then took bus. Perhaps I could/should have walked longer but a) it was late and I wanted to get home b) it was late and I wanted to use my cellphone but didn’t want to break it out and stroll down the street with it (I live in a sketch area unfortunately) c) my tootsies were uncomfortable. Last time I walked home from all the way downtown I had my gym shoes on. This time I was wearing my cheap payless boots and a thin pair of socks – not happening. I’m surprised I made it the 40 blocks.  d) As long as I make my minimum- run/jog/walk 2 miles per day – I’m good.

Dun dun dun…

The ugly truth:

Weight – not sure. Somewhere b/w 195 and 200lbs. My scale is broken.