sereneinthecity

Day 6

I WANT TO CRY. JUST WROTE THIS LONG ENTRY AND I WENT TO PUBLISH AND IT DISAPPEARED! GRRRRRRRRRRRR!

No funny or insightful comments. Ugh. Life happens. Maybe I just needed to write that stuff out, doesn’t matter if no one else sees it.

Yesterday – walked 54 blocks. Ate my planned dinner. (Ate fruit cup of cantaloupe and melon for snack a couple of hours before dinner.)

Today – had shreedded wheat, raisins and bannana for breakfast. About to go to gym. Lunch will be a sandwich. Don’t know what dinner will be, have to think about that.

Day 5

Went to gum yesterday, think I completed 3 miles of cardio.

Had shredded wheat, banana, raisins, yogurt, sammich, almonds and raisins. Then came dinner. Not terrible but not great…

Lobster salad, 3/4 of piece of medium sized cornbread, two glasses of Reisling. Pro: no binge, no trigger food. Con: alcohol and cornbread are very caloric. The two glasses of Reisling probably led me to eat that cornbread when I initially hadn’t planned to (I didn’t even order it! Ate it from my friend’s plate!!)

Now I still feel very full and heavy. I walked home last night after dinner (25 blocks) but still feel heavy. Going to keep at this.

Today: SW, raisins, bannana, sammich. (Forgot my yogurt in the freezer, will have to buy an Apple.) Dinner wi be my leftover from Wed night (asparagus, chicken, yams. I added some black beans since thee’s very little chicken left. Exercise: fail. Didn’t wake up in time for gym. Wore my sneakers to work bc after quitting’ time, ill be a walking fool! For two miles anyway. Toodles.

Getting to 7.8

Today is day 4. I ate my meal yesterday without incident. Sweet potatoes came out really good, I think the trick is to not use too much olive oil. I cooked chicken strips (they were already made, just heated them up in saucepan) and made some asapargus. Ym. They were really thick stalks and I don’t think I cooked them long enough considering how thick they were but oh well. Still edible adn pretty tasty.

The troubling but enlightening new development – I had a BANGING headache yesterday evening and when I went to bed last night. Looked up “sugar withdrawwal symptoms” yesterday – bingo. It made me realize that if bingeing was wreaking havoc on my outward appearance – I can just imagine what its  done to my insides! Headaches and all this other stuff I can’t even see and won’t realize until its too late. Really have to get myself together, this isn’t cute anymore . I went to the gym this morning – did over 2 miles (15 min walked on treadmill; 15 min jog; stiarclimbers were occupied so I went on the hands-free elliptical for 15 min). I felt good but HEAVY. And TIRED. And made the mistake of looking over at the girl runing on teh treadmill next to me and her numbers. I was sweaty mess at 4.8 speed while she was rocking and rolling at a 7.8 speed. Which brings me to my next issue – I believe I have body dysmorphia. I think i’m SMALLER and look BETTER than I actually do LOL. I’m constantly sizing up other women at the gym, convinced I’m not that much bigger than them or that I’m in as good of shape as them. Clearly I am not in the same class as this woman, 1/2 my size and running at 7.8 speed. But I can definitely work toward that.

Breakfast: Shredded wheat, 3/4 bannana, raisins. Check.

Lunch – made a turkey/swiss/mustard/sun dried tom/lettuce sandwich on toasted pita. Hope its better than my sandwich yesterday. The 4 sundried tom slices and hummus together were a bit overwhelming.

Dinner – meeting a friend for “drinks”. Urgh. I decided I can’ t drink this week. Well, I can’t drink today. Just for today. So I will just have dinner. This is one of my drinking partners from grad school and I fear I’m not very interesting or fun without a drink but – oh well. I’m gonna check out the menu, and committ to ordering a healthy dinner.

Day Three

• Finished off my dinner with no incident (i.e. subsequent night eating)

• This AM….GOT TO THE GYM! YAYYY! I actually didn’t think i was going to make it. I only got three hours of sleep last night b/c I was talking to the BF. Usually I need at least 6 hours to form coherent sentences. So this morning when my alarm went off at 5AM I had pretty much resigned myself to another missed day of a gym workout and making it up by a 40 block walk after work. However I logged onto this women’s health forum (I like to surf the web on my phone while in bed) and became super inspired by all the comments about working out and eating right. It reminded me of my goals and my promises to myself. So I got my heinie up and trucked to the gym, completing 1/9 miles on teh treadmill (jogging and walking combo), and did over a mile on teh stairmaster. I felt pretty good up until the last 10 or so minutes on the stairmaster. (I did 15 minutes in all). I felt really out of breath and just HEAVY. Ugh. I just felt like I have so far to go and am discouraged. But must keep on trucking.

• Food so far:– Unfortunately a late breakfast (11am) of whole wheat toast and iced coffee. For lunch I brought a whole wheat pita sammich w/cold cuts, swiss cheese, sundried tomatoes and lettuce. I have a yogurt for snack, and also a bannana which should have been eaten at breakfast time. I have almonds and raisins in my office for snack also. This evening for dinner I plan to heat up some ready made chicken strips, bake some sweet potatoes and asparagus – YUM, my new fave veggie. Wish me luck. Just so, so glad exercise is out of the way!

Day 2 – pm

Walked 40 blocks again. I’m satisfied but I really need to get to the gym in the morning. Especially since I have plans for after work tmrw.

At my Abuela’s. Love her but I confess (and am prepared to get struck by lightning and sent directly to hell): I get super annoyed coming to visit at times. I’m sad that she’s sick. I’m irritated that she asks a lot of questions and can’t remember things. I hate that she has all these goodies around and offers them to me. She can’t do anything right which can only mean one thing – I am ungrateful, immature and petty. Lord please help me be better.

Food:
Whole wheat toast
Ice coffee
Peanuts and raisins
Salad w tuna, dried raspberries, carrots, coupons, shredded cheese, black beans
Dinner: salad w sun dried tom, shrimp, kidney beans, coupons, shredded cheese w white bread roll

Day two of 30 day challenge

Day Two of eating right and exercise ( however minimal). Yesterday I ate well and walked 2 miles (40 blocks is 2 miles right??).  So I consider yesterday a success.

Today I slept through my alarm again so didn’t get up and go to the gym like I planned.  That just means that I will have to do another 2 mile walk home today which is fine – and what I’d planned for – except I do feel as though I’m taking the easy way out. Tackling that treadmill is a way scarier thought than walking 40 blocks. But I’m not gonna beat myself up (bc that only causes me to throw in the towel and resume not exercising and bingeing). So I’m gonna stick to my 30 day plan. I figure 30 days straight of physical activity and eating well will be a vast improvement from the past year of alternating weeks of dieting and bingeing.

Was getting breakfast this morning and all the pastries were staring at me but I had no urge to eat them.  My food addiction is so sneaky. Today I almost laughed in the face of those muffins, donuts and cookies when just 2 weeks ago I was buying them 2-3 at a time to supplement my lunch or to accompany me on trip home. Why can’t I remember the binges? Why is it so hard for me to remember the lows??? By the time the feeling for my next nbinge comes around, its so easy for my mind to tell me “its just a couple donuts, they won’t kill you. Get back on track tmrw. I had such a crappy day, I really just want some cookies to feel better. I’m so lonely and no one gets me, Chinese food and watching Judge Judy will distract me.” I don’t want to go back to that. I am tired. Hopefully tired enough for a change.